1. It hurts. Basically my stomach is fucked - I'm missing a lining in my gut that helps tackle all the sugars and acids in alcohol. This also affects me being able to eat fruit and sweets and shit but we wont go into that. So when I wake up in the morning, it feels like my chest and stomach are on fire. I used to take daily tablets (that never really worked) to help substitute for my lack of whatever it is, but who can be bothered paying £15 for something not to work.
(1 1/2. I don't want this to come across as me making 'valid' excuses for myself as to why I don't drink. For years I had to blurt out this spiel to anyone that asked why I wasn't drinking - because if it's medical it can't be helped. You should just be able to turn to someone and say 'because I don't want to', but that never happens. Because I'm a pussy, obviously.)
2. As well as my stomach being fucked, so is my brain. From being about 10, I've suffered with anxiety and, more recently, depression. For some people alcohol and drugs help alleviate the symptoms of mental illness, but in my case, it does anything but. When you're drunk, you're supposed to revel in that light-headedness, that distant feeling that makes you feel carefree and disconnected from everything. But that's what I feel like 24/7. Being drunk makes me feel even more so; more dizzy, more paranoid; more like I want to curl up in a ball till it goes away. Hot and sweaty and suffocating when I'm supposed to be having 'fun'. Basically, you know when Will gets high in the Inbetweeners, that's me internally.
Don't get me wrong, I'd love not to be like that. I'd love to casually drink and get drunk without overthinking what's going to happen. I'd also love not for this to sound so dramatic, but it's in my blood, I'm an 'arts' student. Because it's not the end of the world, my life's still alright. I don't glare at other people around me who are drinking because it's honestly none of my business, and I shouldn't be any of theirs. (I mean, this is everyone's business now it's online forever but you do you and I'll do me xoxo.)
My boyfriend drinks like a normal person (I'm admitting that I'm not lol) and we still go out and enjoy ourselves. It's even better when I get to watch him and other people be drunk, because I'm the one taking the unflattering photos that will never be forgotten and will haunt you forever.
So if you're going to take anything away from this shitstorm it should be just let people do what they want. Unless it's harmful or dangerous to themselves or other people or whatever, but you get me. Don't judge people for not *gasp* being a student and not wanting to get drunk or high or snort cinnamon or whatever. (Don't do the last one, speaking from experience, it's not a fantastic idea.) See, I don't have to be drunk to do stupid shit like that and endanger my nasal passages; that's all me, man.
#highonlife #dontjudgechallenge
Also, we all know what happens when you get drunk and irresponsible sooooooo
#RIPBarb
