Being #sad

I feel like it's quite easy for people to say 'if you don't like the situation you're in, move on and get out of it'. Well, it's extremely easy for people to say that, but actually putting actions to those words is an entirely different thing. Take my life for example, I don't enjoy the job that I'm in, and I'd love nothing more to get out of that situation as these people suggest, but I can't. And, well, that's just life. I've only been there for a couple of months, I need the money and it won't look very good on my CV if I leave now. The cold hard fact of life being that you're going to encounter pricks wherever you go, and you can't always avoid them, in fact it's nion impossible to avoid most of them. So, they way I look at it is, you just have to face them head-on. 

I'm a strong believer in 'be the change you want to see', but that doesn't have to be like a change in the way the world works, more like something changing in your own life. Because, in the end, you are your world (if that makes any sense at at all. Cut me some slack, I'm writing this at 12 am). And that might sound self-indulgent - but it's true. Think of it this way, you and your friend are walking across the road, and you see a bus hurtling towards you, and, yes, you try and save your friend too, but the first natural thing that comes into your mind is 'holy fuck, I'm going to die'. And I think that it's wrong that our society has taught us that confidence in ourselves is a bad thing. Because, yes, I should have the confidence to quit my job, but I need the money to buy shit for myself. Do you see my predicament?

Because, yes, eventually I will get out. But money makes people happy, including myself. Money buys Christmas and birthday presents which ultimately buys you respect. And I like spending money on other people, because I want them to make me feel good about myself: 'why yes, thank you, I am a good person aren't I?' All this sounds horribly self-centred, but that's life. And I'm definitely not a self-centred person, ask anyone who knows me. Because I spend the majority of my life worrying about what others think of me. I mean, I don't even smile that much anymore because of my crooked teeth. 

And not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm not actually a 'happy' person. Robin Williams once said, 'I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make other people happy'. And, yes, this job does make me 'sad' (as we'll call it), but so do exams and life in general, and only whiney little pricks are the ones who spend their lives complaining about it and they're the ones who flit about inconsistently like the annoying little buzzing idiots that they are. And, maybe it's because I'm a Northerner, but I think you've just got to suck it up and ride it out. Because being 'sad' isn't a huge problem, a lot of people have it much worse than I do. Because I can't stand privileged kids who whine about 'aw, mummy and daddy didn't buy me the Fiat500 in the right shade of nuave blue'. Because, bitch, if that's all you've got to complain about, you need to find someone else to complain to.

R.