So, number one: talking to yourself.
I mean, unless you're alone or you don't give a shit, don't do it aloud. But if you feel like you're starting to panic, pick something to look at. Shops and signs are the best, so if you're in a shopping centre, which is where panic attacks tend to spring up on me, it's ironically the best place for you to do it. Anyway, look at stuff and literally say to yourself, 'that sign's pink' and 'that's a tall tree'. Then I like to make stupid stuff up like 'I wonder where that old lady lives? She looks like a Margaret. I bet she has annoying dog called Archie that craps everywhere whenever she leaves the house. I bet she named it after her late incontinent husband.' And you find your brain becomes focussed on something else and you can just ride out the wave, as it were.
Number two: a little tick.
For me, it's tapping my foot. But anything that has some sort of rhythm to it tends to give your brain something else to focus on. For a while my mum used to grab my leg until I told her that it helped. And you learn not to give a shit about what other people think, as long as it makes you feel relaxed, fuck them. I know it's hard to say that, especially because, when you're having a panic attack, you feel like the whole row of people in the fruit and veg isle at ASDA are looking at you. But I can guarantee you they're not. They're too busy concentrating on other things. You never know, in there heads they might be saying 'that apple's green' and you'd never know, would you?
Number three: banging tyunes.
Music. Music everywhere. Surround yourself with it. I never leave the house without my earphones. It's amazing how calming a beat or focus sing on the lyrics of a song can be. Just focus on everything. And, trying not to sound like a raving lunatic here but, make up stories. Make up situations in your head, look out the window and pretend you're in a music video. As sad as it sounds, it works. Plan out a meeting with Barack Obama, I don't care. Let your imagination massacre the anxiety.
Number four: chocolate.
Now, this one might be a tad disappointing because I'm not actually suggesting you eat a shit-tonne of chocolate, although you can do if you want to. But this is where you plan out something you're getting worked up about into sections (like a chocolate bar, geddit?) and when you complete a sections, you break off a piece. So every little thing you're panicking about is a square on the bar. Like in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. when Chandler runs away because he's shit scared about getting married and Ross says 'you're not getting married just yet, you're getting a cab, going home, taking a shower then getting dressed'. (And if you haven't seen F.R.I.E.N.D.S. then sucks for you. Not really, nobody got it anyway.)
Number five: body mapping
This is a Mindfulness strategy. Basically, you can do it standing up, sitting or laying down, but you focus on a part of your body then slowly work your way up. So focus on your feet, the your ankles, your knees, your thighs, your hips etc etc. Until you get to your head. Simple. You can do it in 30 seconds or 3 minutes, depending on the situation you're in. I do it sat in the middle of 2000 people in the common room at college, or I can do it sat on a bus. It doesn't matter.
So there, that's all I've got. I hope it was at least a little literate. C for effort, A* for alliteration.
R.
