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If I were to die tomorrow, I'd realize that I did not die happy. Well, I wouldn't realize anything, because I'd be dead, but you get where I'm coming from. I know that I'm only 17 and I've got plenty of time to do the stuff that will, inevitably, make me happy. But there are Olympic gold medalists and actors and world champion dancers (or whatever) who are 5 years younger than me and they've already done more in their 12 years than I'll probably ever do in my whole life. I know I shouldn't be looking at it this way, but it's how I feel, and I know it's how a lot of other people feel too.
I know New Years was nearly a month ago, but I've never made a 'proper' New Years Resolution and I think now's the time. I'm going to try and 'put myself out there' more. Just stupid things like, I haven't even got my provisional licence yet because they spelled my name wrong on the forms, and I don't want to ring them back. That's another thing - I hate speaking on the phone. I can't even remember the last time I actually rang somebody that wasn't my Mum, Nan or dentist.
This blog was probably one of the first steps of my resolution. I put the link on all of my social networking sites, which was a big thing for me. I'm always worried about what other people think of me, so you can imagine how I felt when I thought about somebody I knew finding this. But then I gave it a second thought and realized that I didn't give a shit. The people that have a problem with it aren't worth being a problem.
Sorry this was short, I feel like shit.
R.
